Recovery

Beautiful but damaged.

Beautiful but damaged. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Beautiful but damaged. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Dear Self,

I had a bad dream last night.

A house that was haunted, but beautiful, but damaged.

We wanted to live in it.

Reimagine it.

Reinvent.

Restore it.

I felt frightened that the house was too damaged to regenerate.

But moved into it anyway.

When I woke up, I could feel the house was me.

That the haunted, damaged past was part of the beauty.

I could see that ghosts of events that happened through me are not me.

A kind piano to play,

in the corner,

sings the darkness away.

Love

Luke

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Day 1,345

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Allowed to…

Allowed to. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Allowed to. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Dear Self,

Today I am a sleeping bear.

Tired heavy contented eyes.

Walking between time.

From object to object.

Allowed to do very, very little.

Enjoying a momentary breath in and out.

Love

Luke

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Day 1,335

Show your support for Dear Self by becoming a monthly supporter of my work or by buying some stamp money. Your support means I can keep doing the things I do to make the world a better place.

That holiday feeling.

That holiday feeling. Drawing Luke Hockley.

That holiday feeling. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Dear Self,

A long walk along the coastline.

A quick swim.

Sitting about at lunch. For ages.

Lounging at home.

Dinner out at a fancy restaurant.

I’d like to officially welcome that holiday feeling.

Love

Luke

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Day 1,324

Show your support for Dear Self by becoming a monthly supporter of my work or by buying some stamp money. Your support means I can keep doing the things I do to make the world a better place.

Slow down.

Slow down. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Slow down. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Dear Self,

Slow down.

No, slower than that.

No, even slower than that.

No. Really.

Slow. Down.

Really.

Actually.

Just.

Slow.

Down.

Love

Luke

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Day 1,322

Show your support for Dear Self by becoming a monthly supporter of my work or by buying some stamp money. Your support means I can keep doing the things I do to make the world a better place.

Holding onto the thread of myself.

Holding onto the thread of myself. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Holding onto the thread of myself. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Dear Self,

It is hardest to keep up this daily writing habit during the holidays.

All the edges fray.

I stop shaving.

I get to bed late.

I don’t wake at 6 am.

I don’t get out of bed and sit down and write.

The day becomes a deconstructed series of events that have fewer edges than normal…and I forget.

Why not just stop writing for the holidays?

I’ve thought about that.

I keep writing because it means through periods of rest and regeneration I keep a hold of the thread of myself.

Which I find valuable.

And comforting.

Love

Luke

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Day 1,316

Show your support for Dear Self by becoming a monthly supporter of my work or by buying some stamp money. Your support means I can keep doing the things I do to make the world a better place.

I long for sleep.

I long for sleep. Drawing Luke Hockley.

I long for sleep. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Dear Self,

I long for sleep.

It’s not far away now, but oh…how I am looking forward to it.

Sometimes sleep can be a little elusive, but not tonight.

Tonight, I can feel the edges of it wrapping over me already.

What a treasure sleep is.

Love

Luke

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Day 1,307

Show your support for Dear Self by becoming a monthly supporter of my work or by buying some stamp money. Your support means I can keep doing the things I do to make the world a better place.

Nothing left to give…?

Nothing left to give…? Drawing Luke Hockley.

Nothing left to give…? Drawing Luke Hockley.

Dear Self,

One day, quite a few years ago, I was sitting on the step to our bungalow in our falling apart rental in Northcote enjoying a bit of sun when our cat, Mamma - who died a few years ago, came up and started rubbing against my legs.

My endless jar of honey had trained her to be brushed at the back step with a special brush…and she loved it. So, she was pretty insistent.

I was very frustrated.

I couldn’t be bothered.

I was tired and a bit over it and just wanted to sit in the sun and recharge.

Later that day, when my endless jar of honey arrived home, I complained to him about all this…

“She just kept insisting that I pat her…and I just couldn’t. I just didn’t have anything to give her!”

He looked at me, patiently and said…

“Maybe it’s not about what you’ve got to give her…”

Ahhh….of course.

This lesson, that I am deeply energised by giving what I have to other living things, comes back to me again and again.

One more reason to be grateful for the endless jar of honey in my life.

Love

Luke

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Day 1,305

Show your support for Dear Self by becoming a monthly supporter of my work or by buying some stamp money. Your support means I can keep doing the things I do to make the world a better place.

I’m done, I’m really done.

I’m done, I’m really done. Drawing Luke Hockley.

I’m done, I’m really done. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Dear Self,

I’m done, I’m done, I’m really done.

I wish there was something more here, something profound and interesting, some reflection that would give me some blinding insight into the world and leave me feeling clearer and better about things.

But there is not.

I am done.

Love

Luke

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Day 1,293

Show your support for Dear Self by becoming a monthly supporter of my work or by buying some stamp money. Your support means I can keep doing the things I do to make the world a better place.

I wonder what it is?

I wonder what it is? Drawing Luke Hockley.

I wonder what it is? Drawing Luke Hockley.

Dear Self,

I’m ready for bed now.

Problem is it is 6am…which is not the ‘ready for bed’ end of the day!

I woke up very early today, which is great…but not really.

I would have rather slept another couple of hours and then I may not have felt like going back to bed when I should be getting up.

I went to sleep ok, that’s a bonus. Progress, even.

But waking up so early tells me there is something on my mind that I’d like to deal with.

I wonder what it is?

Love

Luke

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Day 1,288

Show your support for Dear Self by becoming a monthly supporter of my work or by buying some stamp money. Your support means I can keep doing the things I do to make the world a better place.

Mindless television.

Mindless Television. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Mindless Television. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Dear Self,

I’m ready for some laying on the couch and watching mindless television.

Love

Luke

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Day 1,286

Show your support for Dear Self by becoming a monthly supporter of my work or by buying some stamp money. Your support means I can keep doing the things I do to make the world a better place.