Listening

Looking at now.

Looking at now. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Looking at now. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Dear Self,

When things don't work out the way I had imagined it is easy to know what I should have done but not so easy to imagine what I should do next.

I think it is profoundly unhelpful to churn over all the pieces for the sake of churning over all the pieces…but what to do with all that stuff?

Is looking forward even helpful?

Maybe it’s about looking at now?

Maybe that’s all I can do with all that I have done?

Love

Luke

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Day 1,282

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A little slower.

A little slower. Drawing Luke Hockley.

A little slower. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Dear Self,

I’d like to look forward and plan my next few months a little better.

Specifically, I’d like to look at the time that I have more control over and make some choices about what I want to do with that time.

I have this picture of sitting and sewing as I listen to stories.

Simple really.

I think it requires me to take the foot of the accelerator a little though to make it happen.

It’s been a big start to the year.

I think taking things a little slower would be nice right now.

Love

Luke

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Day 1,277

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Chosen family.

Chosen family. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Chosen family. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Dear Self,

I spoke to my beautiful friend Billie last night.

We’d been trying to connect for weeks, without success, and then finally the stars aligned.

It’s comforting to be back with someone who knows me so well. Who loves me so deeply.

Her little boy asked if “Luke was our family?” 

“Why, yes…he is”

We are a part of each other’s chosen family.

Which is an honour for me.

A real honour.

Love

Luke

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Day 1,267

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Some simple things.

Some simple things. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Some simple things. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Dear Self,

Some simple things.

The condensation on the inside of the kitchen window.

Putting a log of wood into the fire.

The sound of the heater.

Thick socks on a cold morning.

A stack of clean dishes waiting to be put away.

This week’s food cooked in a day.

Doing the next thing on the list.

Writing my daily letter.

Some simple things.

Love

Luke

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Day 1,266

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A walk along the creek.

A walk along the creek. Drawing Luke Hockley

A walk along the creek. Drawing Luke Hockley

Dear Self,

I went for a walk yesterday along Merri creek with a dear friend of mine.

We had some things to talk about, which we did.

There was a moment where we stood under a bridge and played with how the sound reverberated off the massive bluestone arch.

This incidental, childlike playfulness is the stuff of magic.

When these experiences are missing, when a friendship becomes purely about some project or outcome or a working relationship…or much worse when it becomes just about working out conflict or having difficult conversations, then the relationship lacks the reserves to keep itself going.

I find it can be so easy to let these things slip, or not make the time and space for them to happen. They seem like ‘nothing time’, finding time to be bored together so that something light and curious emerges.

In my experience these spaces are where friendship is built.

Which is the most important time of all.

Love

Luke

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Day 1,261

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Don’t throw the buttonhole out.

Don’t throw the buttonhole out. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Don’t throw the buttonhole out. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Dear Self,

I’m learning how to sew a buttonhole.

Or, rather, I’m learning a new way to sew a buttonhole.

Originally, I kind of made it up…I did a hand version of what I had seen a sewing machine do.

It was ok…but clumsy, or I thought there must be a better way or something like that. So, I found some instructions in a needle craft book of Mum’s on how to sew a button hole.

So far it is incredibly clumsy, and I don’t like it at all.

But I think I need to persist a bit longer.

I feel like a bit of repetition will help me see if I don’t like it because I’m not familiar and skilled enough or because it is actually awkward.

Let’s not throw the buttonhole out before it’s had a chance.

Love

Luke

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Day 1,219

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It’s a bit messy.

It’s a bit messy. Drawing Luke Hockley.

It’s a bit messy. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Dear Self,

The next few days are a bit messy.

I’ve got a few things that are half undone that need some love and attention…and I’m not sure I exactly have the time available to do those things and to do the things I know to do to keep myself well balanced, happy and productive.

Can I embrace it all?

Can I own the choices and find a compromise that gets me a bit of everything?

I don’t know. I really don’t.

Love

Luke

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Day 1,217

Show your support for Dear Self by becoming a monthly supporter of my work or by buying some stamp money. Your support means I can keep doing the things I do to make the world a better place.

Joy and space.

Joy and space. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Joy and space. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Dear Self,

Today I am looking for joy and space in each moment.

It could be one of those days where I get grumpy that I’m not doing the things I want to do…but I put all of these things in my day. I chose to do them, I’ve decided the compromise is worth it.

Which means I will reap the rewards of all the seeds I am sowing.

There is no reason not to enjoy the choices I have made.

Love

Luke

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Day 1,210

Show your support for Dear Self by becoming a monthly supporter of my work or by buying some stamp money. Your support means I can keep doing the things I do to make the world a better place.

I use the internet to avoid myself.

I use the internet to avoid myself. Drawing Luke Hockley.

I use the internet to avoid myself. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Dear Self,

I use the internet to avoid myself.

I just did it then.

Endless clicking and searching, anything really, just so that I don’t have to turn up to this conversation with myself.

That’s why having this moment locked in is so great.

There is somewhere to come back to.

Something I can use as a reference point.

An agreed point of reflection.

And so…

I come back.

Love

Luke

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Day 1,207

Show your support for Dear Self by becoming a monthly supporter of my work or by buying some stamp money. Your support means I can keep doing the things I do to make the world a better place.

My body has things to say...

My body has things to say. Drawing Luke Hockley.

My body has things to say. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Dear Self,

I don’t like to think of my body as something separate to my mind. I find thinking/talking in this way reinforces the idea that my body and my mind are somehow “separate” and have the option to operate independently of each other.  

That’s why I have personally stopped using ‘mind’ and ‘body’ as much as possible...replacing them with the idea of  ‘thinking’ and ‘movement’. The body and the mind are both always involved in some way with any thinking or movement that I do. 

With that established I have to acknowledge the ‘body’ part of me (because it is true that I have a body! Just happens that it includes my brain) sometimes has things going on that my ‘thinking’ can’t compute or make sense of. 

Take last night.  

I’ve had a great few days. I’m feeling much more myself. Much more connected and coordinated. Joyful to find myself so...and then, chilling out watching TV I started to feel anxious, stressed even.  

This was one of those perfect storms that make sense from a distance...but are pure chaos in the midst of it all. I’ve got my birthday coming up, I probably had too many cups of tea in the afternoon, lots of exciting conversation at the end of the day, the anniversary of something significant, work is very busy... 

At any rate, my subconscious was talking to me through my body (or movement) and feeling this way was totally unexpected.  

Strangely...though uncomfortable, it was also good. 

I listened, did a few simple things and watched the wave pass through me.  

And then it was all ok.  

I’ve been here before. My response seemed new and how quickly it all passed also seemed different.  

That’s nice. To think I might be learning how to manage myself a little better.

Love

Luke

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Day 1,204

Show your support for Dear Self by becoming a monthly supporter of my work or by buying some stamp money. Your support means I can keep doing the things I do to make the world a better place.