Health

Sometimes it hurts.

Sometimes it hurts. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Sometimes it hurts. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Dear Self,

Sometimes I wonder if I am up for managing the breadth and intensity of the ideas I have for changing the world.

I feel a bit like a ghostbuster who is trying to control one of those big streams of light without crossing the stream with anyone else.

I see what needs to be changed, I have a sense of what that might look like, I imagine a way that could happen, I throw it out into the world…and I try and manage the chaos of that as best I can, doing as little damage to myself and those around me.

But I don’t always succeed.

Sometimes it hurts.

Which makes me feel like pulling back and hiding.

And I don’t know what to do with all that.

Love

Luke  

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Day 1,274

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A walk along the creek.

A walk along the creek. Drawing Luke Hockley

A walk along the creek. Drawing Luke Hockley

Dear Self,

I went for a walk yesterday along Merri creek with a dear friend of mine.

We had some things to talk about, which we did.

There was a moment where we stood under a bridge and played with how the sound reverberated off the massive bluestone arch.

This incidental, childlike playfulness is the stuff of magic.

When these experiences are missing, when a friendship becomes purely about some project or outcome or a working relationship…or much worse when it becomes just about working out conflict or having difficult conversations, then the relationship lacks the reserves to keep itself going.

I find it can be so easy to let these things slip, or not make the time and space for them to happen. They seem like ‘nothing time’, finding time to be bored together so that something light and curious emerges.

In my experience these spaces are where friendship is built.

Which is the most important time of all.

Love

Luke

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Day 1,261

Show your support for Dear Self by becoming a monthly supporter of my work or by buying some stamp money. Your support means I can keep doing the things I do to make the world a better place.

Anything I want.

Anything I want. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Anything I want. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Dear Self,

What if I could do anything I want for one day?

What would I do?

I’d sew and sing and spend time with people I love.

Ok.

Done.

Love

Luke

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Day 1,205

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My body has things to say...

My body has things to say. Drawing Luke Hockley.

My body has things to say. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Dear Self,

I don’t like to think of my body as something separate to my mind. I find thinking/talking in this way reinforces the idea that my body and my mind are somehow “separate” and have the option to operate independently of each other.  

That’s why I have personally stopped using ‘mind’ and ‘body’ as much as possible...replacing them with the idea of  ‘thinking’ and ‘movement’. The body and the mind are both always involved in some way with any thinking or movement that I do. 

With that established I have to acknowledge the ‘body’ part of me (because it is true that I have a body! Just happens that it includes my brain) sometimes has things going on that my ‘thinking’ can’t compute or make sense of. 

Take last night.  

I’ve had a great few days. I’m feeling much more myself. Much more connected and coordinated. Joyful to find myself so...and then, chilling out watching TV I started to feel anxious, stressed even.  

This was one of those perfect storms that make sense from a distance...but are pure chaos in the midst of it all. I’ve got my birthday coming up, I probably had too many cups of tea in the afternoon, lots of exciting conversation at the end of the day, the anniversary of something significant, work is very busy... 

At any rate, my subconscious was talking to me through my body (or movement) and feeling this way was totally unexpected.  

Strangely...though uncomfortable, it was also good. 

I listened, did a few simple things and watched the wave pass through me.  

And then it was all ok.  

I’ve been here before. My response seemed new and how quickly it all passed also seemed different.  

That’s nice. To think I might be learning how to manage myself a little better.

Love

Luke

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Day 1,204

Show your support for Dear Self by becoming a monthly supporter of my work or by buying some stamp money. Your support means I can keep doing the things I do to make the world a better place.

 

Staying well.

Staying well. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Staying well. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Dear Self,

I have the opportunity to stay well over the next few days.

I can feel how easy it would be to ‘push’ myself to do all the things I have on my plate…equally I can feel how lightly I could do all these things.

I think the light version has more potential for long term wellness.

So, let’s do that one…ok?

Love

Luke

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Day 1,179

Show your support for Dear Self by becoming a monthly supporter of my work or by buying some stamp money. Your support means I can keep doing the things I do to make the world a better place.

Kindness, kindness, kindness.

Kindness, kindness, kindness. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Kindness, kindness, kindness. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Dear Self,

Kindness, kindness, kindness.

I think I have given myself lots of kindness and then I find myself needing just a little bit more.

What does that look like?

It’s just remembering that I am fallible and human and fragile. Remembering that I need time to heal, that healing looks like lots of different things at different times, that the path is not always a straight line, that this too shall pass, that I am enough.

And that I’m not alone. Reaching out and being held by those I love.

Kindness. Kindness. Kindness.

Love

Luke

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Day 1,177

Show your support for Dear Self by becoming a monthly supporter of my work or by buying some stamp money. Your support means I can keep doing the things I do to make the world a better place.

My body is a koan.

My body is a koan. Drawing Luke Hockley.

My body is a koan. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Dear Self,

My body is a koan, a puzzle, a riddle.

It’s a question that presents many possible solutions, some of which are helpful, some are self-limiting and some…well, their outcome is a mystery.

Returning to the koan every day with the intention that it is the asking of the question and the wondering about the solution that is as useful to me as solving the riddle.

Solving the riddle is great, but we don’t always get that luxury, or it can take quite some time.

So being in the question that I am in. Curious. Kind. Playful and tenacious.

That’s what it’s all about.

Which is easy to remember when I’ve solved a puzzle and very challenging to keep in focus when I haven’t!

Love

Luke

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Day 1,169

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This place right here.

This place right here. Drawing Luke Hockley.

This place right here. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Dear Self,

I’ve been forgetting to live right here. 

Always looking to a different moment, a future time, when I’ll feel better. 

Which means I’m in the that place over there rather than this place right here.  

But I only ever get this place right here.

Love

Luke

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Day 1,164

Show your support for Dear Self by becoming a monthly supporter of my work or by buying some stamp money. Your support means I can keep doing the things I do to make the world a better place.

The light changes.

The light changes. Drawing Luke Hockley.

The light changes. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Dear Self,

The slightest shift and the light changes and suddenly things feel ok again.

Love

Luke

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Day 1,162

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Slow. Kind. Gentle.

Slow. Kind. Gentle. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Slow. Kind. Gentle. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Dear Self,

How is it possible for the things I know to evaporate so quickly?

How do I find myself back at square one, relearning the things I have already learnt?

Slow. Kind. Gentle.

That’s all I can say about it.

Love

Luke

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Day 1,161

Show your support for Dear Self by becoming a monthly supporter of my work or by buying some stamp money. Your support means I can keep doing the things I do to make the world a better place.