Focus

I stuffed it.

I stuffed it., Drawing Luke Hockley.

I stuffed it., Drawing Luke Hockley.

Dear Self,

Yesterday I sewed the collar together for the shirt I am making.

They are a bit of a fiddly thing…collars.

It was looking beautiful, then I stuffed it.

I trimmed the corners too close to the edge and so when I turned it inside out the points started to fray.

Damn it.

I’ve been doing a pretty good job of persisting through the moments where I find myself resisting the next step. I have enough fabric to go back and cut another collar…but it is a bit fiddly and boring.

This is definitely one of those moments that could have me avoiding sewing for days or weeks.

This is definitely something I would like to tackle head on.

Right o.

There’s my challenge.

Love

Luke

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Day 1,409

Show your support for Dear Self by becoming a monthly supporter of my work or by buying some stamp money. Your support means I can keep doing the things I do to make the world a better place.

The weight of choice.

The weight of choice. Drawing Luke Hockley.

The weight of choice. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Dear Self,

I’d like to keep in focus that the choices I have in my life are a result of the incredible privilege that I have.

I feel a little overwhelmed with it all right now.

Truth is, my life is blessed and magical and full of joy.

So, when I’m holding the weight of choice, I am buoyed by all of these beautiful things in my life.

That lightens the load, significantly.

Love

Luke

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Day 1,400

Show your support for Dear Self by becoming a monthly supporter of my work or by buying some stamp money. Your support means I can keep doing the things I do to make the world a better place.

Too damned happy and content.

Too damned happy and content. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Too damned happy and content. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Dear Self,

For some reason you thought it was a good idea to wake me up at 3:30am.

Thanks for that.

So, what is it?

What was so important you wanted me up and thinking so early in the morning?

Nothing to say, huh?

Hmph.

Well, I’m here…so take your time…

Oh…

Success…right,

I’m worried I don’t deserve the good things that I have in my life…and that means something bad is going to happen to balance the happiness out.

That’s not very healthy.

Good and bad things happen all the time. Some of it is through my choices, some of it is through luck…but one thing I am certain of, there is no unnamed force out there that looks at me and says…

“Well, you’re just too damned happy and content, here’s a few bad things to bring you back down to earth…”

The happiness and contentment in my life are a result of the way I view things, both the good and the bad things.

I’d like to see all the decisions and choices I have to make as fun, an adventure. I might get something wrong…take the wrong turn, but in the long run it’s going to be ok.

And if its working…maybe I could enjoy that, hey?

The alternative is to be stressed when it’s ‘not working’ and then to be stressed when it ‘is working’.

And that’s a whole lot of boring right there.

Each moment is what it is.

It’s an adventure.

Love

Luke

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Day 1,386

Show your support for Dear Self by becoming a monthly supporter of my work or by buying some stamp money. Your support means I can keep doing the things I do to make the world a better place.

The puzzle of my life.

The puzzle of my life. Drawing Luke Hockley.

The puzzle of my life. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Dear Self,

Each little piece of the puzzle…fits with the next piece of the puzzle.

It can take a long time for each piece to find its perfect partner.

I get frustrated.

I want the pieces to fit, NOW!

The puzzle has a way of working out, over time.

No amount of forcing will make two pieces fit together that were never meant to be together.

The puzzle is like a cat. It wants attention when it wants attention, it wants to be left alone when it wants to be left alone.

The puzzle of my life sometimes needs me to look straight into its eyes and ask very direct questions…other times the answers will come when left to their own devices.

I suppose that’s why it’s a puzzle.

Love

Luke

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Day 1,385

Show your support for Dear Self by becoming a monthly supporter of my work or by buying some stamp money. Your support means I can keep doing the things I do to make the world a better place.

An intangible gift.

An intangible gift. Drawing Luke Hockley.

An intangible gift. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Dear Self,

My fear is that I sit just outside of really talented at anything.

That I’m ok.

Adequate.

While others are gifted and inspiring.

I am afraid that I am destined for a life of mediocre.

I’d really like to be able to see through this. To see this for what it is…

But what is it?

It is a desire to have a natural, technical gift and to have honed that gift to a point of excellence.

What would having this kind of gift mean? What do I think it would give me?

I want to say ‘recognition’, I want to put this desire down to a need to be liked, a need to be celebrated by others…validated, but that’s not it. That’s not what I feel when I think of having this kind of gift.

I feel ‘freedom’. I am searching for the ability to use this ‘gift’ to make things.

At the moment I have music in my head. The ability to create music. To sit at the piano and play and sing, to create something from nothing.

I think I do have a gift. It’s just not so tangible. Which confuses me, I think.

Insight.

I think I have an ability to look at something and see the fabric of beliefs and ideas and history and story that is making that thing be the way that it is.

Then, I respond to that fabric.

I draw on my creative skills, as they are, to question, to challenge, to reflect…to imagine something new in the hope that we can see the fabric and choose how we want it to look in the future.

It seems like such an intangible gift.

I don’t think that makes it less valuable.

There’s something else.

I’m a dedicated craftsperson. I love learning. I have an ability to hone my skills. Then, when I respond creatively to some insight I’ve had, I have the tools at the ready to create.

The other day, at the gym, a friend said to me they wished they had lean muscle, rather than the bulky kind. I laughed…because they have the kind of body that most people at the gym are desperately looking to have.

I laughed because humans tend to do this. Or, at least, I certainly do this.

I look at the world and find the opposite of what I have and decide that that, that thing that I am not, is the most desirable thing to be in the world.

That if I only had that, then I would be happier and more creative and more special and unique and…everything, you know?

This is crap, though.

Really, it is crap.

The people I admire become distinct and interesting and beautiful because they take exactly what they have and amplify that.

Spending energy on a desire to be something else is a way of avoiding doing the work it takes to amplify what I’ve got.

It may also be a way of avoiding taking the risk of being seen, really seen, for what I am.

This is where it comes back to external validation.

My experience is that people living in their ‘gift’, whatever that may be, are not liked by everyone. Being liked by everyone is impossible and unlikely. The pursuit of this dubious goals is also likely to induce a kind of ‘mediocre’ that stifles things.

The unconscious goal of being liked by everyone is incredibly unhelpful to me.

Accepting…no, embracing, that the stuff I make will appeal to the people it is meant to appeal to, that’s where the gold is.

It frees me up.

To use my gifts.

To do something.

Right.

Thanks.

Love

Luke

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Day 1,379

Show your support for Dear Self by becoming a monthly supporter of my work or by buying some stamp money. Your support means I can keep doing the things I do to make the world a better place.

Stand here.

Stand here. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Stand here. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Dear Self,

The change of season.

Can be rough.

Messy.

Transitions are like that.

I’m standing in a place that feels unlike the place I’ve been and not quite like the place I imagine I am going.

Here is the only place that exists.

Stand here.

That’s it.

All there is.

Love

Luke

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Day 1,374

Show your support for Dear Self by becoming a monthly supporter of my work or by buying some stamp money. Your support means I can keep doing the things I do to make the world a better place.

Anywhere, but here.

Anywhere, but here. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Anywhere, but here. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Dear Self,

Pulled out of myself.

Up and floating just beyond where I am actually sitting

Striving.

Striving to be at the next thing on my list.

The next place in my life.

Anywhere, but here.

Drinking my cup of tea in my lovely home writing a letter to myself.

It doesn’t feel like enough.

It’s one of the most important things I’ve ever done…and that’s not enough?

What’s going on?

Why doesn’t that feel like enough?

No one makes me do this. I choose to do it.

It’s not easier to do than not do…

It makes my life richer.

And that’s enough.

Love

Luke

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Day 1,373

Show your support for Dear Self by becoming a monthly supporter of my work or by buying some stamp money. Your support means I can keep doing the things I do to make the world a better place.

Hmph!

Hmph! Drawing Luke Hockley.

Hmph! Drawing Luke Hockley.

Dear Self,

I want to run away from this.

Today, I want to do anything but write this letter to myself.

Why? I wonder…

I’m looking for anything to look at but myself.

But here I am.

Sitting on the couch.

Looking at myself and wondering who I am today.

There doesn’t seem to be any immediate answers to this question.

Just a lot of mush.

Hmph!

Well, that’s what we’ve got.

Love

Luke

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Day 1,372

Show your support for Dear Self by becoming a monthly supporter of my work or by buying some stamp money. Your support means I can keep doing the things I do to make the world a better place.

That’s ok.

That’s ok. Drawing Luke Hockley.

That’s ok. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Dear Self,

It’s ok.

It’s messy and noisy and uncertain and joyful and optimistic and excited in here.

But, it’s ok.

I can find it hard to anchor, to find my feet, sometimes.

I feel pulled in all directions, excited positive directions, but all directions.

That’s ok.

Sometimes its messy.

That’s ok.

Love

Luke

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Day 1,369

Show your support for Dear Self by becoming a monthly supporter of my work or by buying some stamp money. Your support means I can keep doing the things I do to make the world a better place.

Tick, tick, tick.

Tick, tick, tick. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Tick, tick, tick. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Dear Self,

Move through the list.

Tick, tick, tick.

This then that then that then this.

Each win takes a brick from my shoulders.

Lighter, easier, free.

Tick, tick, tick.

Move through the list.

Love

Luke

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Day 1,368

Show your support for Dear Self by becoming a monthly supporter of my work or by buying some stamp money. Your support means I can keep doing the things I do to make the world a better place.