Expectation

The weight of choice.

The weight of choice. Drawing Luke Hockley.

The weight of choice. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Dear Self,

I’d like to keep in focus that the choices I have in my life are a result of the incredible privilege that I have.

I feel a little overwhelmed with it all right now.

Truth is, my life is blessed and magical and full of joy.

So, when I’m holding the weight of choice, I am buoyed by all of these beautiful things in my life.

That lightens the load, significantly.

Love

Luke

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Day 1,400

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An anxious butterfly.

An anxious butterfly. Drawing Luke Hockley

An anxious butterfly. Drawing Luke Hockley

Dear Self,

There is an anxious, butterfly pressure on my solar plexus.

Choices? Options? Pressure?

Busyness? Change?

What is it I wonder?

Too much rich food?

Not enough water?

Trying to solve other people’s problems?

Yes. Probably.

All of that.

Yes. Ok.

Ok.

It will be ok.

Love

Luke

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Day 1,350

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Older.

Older. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Older. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Dear Self,

I’m noticing myself getting older.

I keep seeing a metaphor of an old chipped tea pot.

Well loved, functional, stained full of memories, comforting.

There is no getting around time.

I’m not sure if I ever thought there was.

As I get older it becomes clearer that enjoying the spoils of lived life…well what other choice do I have?

To fight is futile. Isn’t it?

The risk of all this “acceptance” is that I subconsciously begin to accept other people’s ideas about what getting older means.

The world has a lot of ideas about all of this that hold no interest for me. But it is easy to start thinking in those frames when they are communicated so clearly and with such strength.

(I know I’m not ‘old’, I know I’m ‘in the middle’, I’m saying older…we all get older every day)

The remedy to all of this is being in this moment.

I am this being, right here, right now.

I can do and say and think the things I can do and say and think right now.

That’s it.

That’s all of it.

Love

Luke

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Day 1,346

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Escape.

Escape. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Escape. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Dear Self,

Escape.

From my cliched writing.

Words that have been dribbled so many times.

By me.

By everyone.

Escape.

Myself and my view of things.

The impossible escape.

Love

Luke

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Day 1,344

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Holding time

Holding time. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Holding time. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Dear Self,

Every day I hold time.

My fingers tips pressed together holding a gentle, warm ball of time in the space between. Long and slow time.

A fire along my arms and neck and eyes and rapidly typing finger tips. Impatient and rapidly evaporating time.

A single hand, kind, tea cup circle of time.

Twenty minutes of anti-gravity time slowly falling from the ceiling down into my back. A broad surface of spreading time.

Leg pumping, moving through space, aerobic time.

Feet, hands, back, arms, belly, legs, head, full body. Time making sound.

Stitching time, patiently.

All of me dancing time.

My fingers tips pressed together holding a gentle, warm ball of time in the space between. Long and slow time.

Every day I hold time.

Love

Luke

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Day 1,333

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Slow down.

Slow down. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Slow down. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Dear Self,

Slow down.

No, slower than that.

No, even slower than that.

No. Really.

Slow. Down.

Really.

Actually.

Just.

Slow.

Down.

Love

Luke

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Day 1,322

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Other people’s stuff.

Other people’s stuff. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Other people’s stuff. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Dear Self,

I so easily look at other people’s stuff and know what they should do.

I can see their insecurities so clearly. Can see how they are undermining their own goals. Can see the logical, obvious, pathway through for them.

If they could just get over themselves everything would be fine.

Funny how I can’t seem to do all that for myself.

If I could just get over myself…

Love

Luke

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Day 1,321

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One more thing...

One more thing... Drawing Luke Hockley.

One more thing... Drawing Luke Hockley.

Dear Self,

There’s always one more thing.

One more email, one more phone call, one more bill, one more piece of paper to move, one more thing to write.

I’m trying to get away on holiday.

At some point I’ve just got to call it right?

And just let it all go and leave.

Right.

Love

Luke

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Day 1,311

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Doing the thing.

Doing the thing. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Doing the thing. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Dear Self,

Just doing what needs to be done.

No more.

Just lifting the weight that is in front of me.

Not telling myself how heavy it is.

Not worrying I can’t make it.

Not talking myself out of being able to do it.

Just looking at the thing and doing the thing that needs to be done.

Love

Luke

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Day 1,309

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I lack perfection.

I lack perfection. Drawing Luke Hockley.

I lack perfection. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Dear Self,

I lack perfection.

I don’t know why this comes as a surprise to me.

Over and over again.

I’ve always lacked perfection.

It’s never been any different.

Would I even like how perfection felt if I did, miraculously, achieve it?

I don’t think I am actually in pursuit of ‘perfection’.

I hand sew things because I love the imperfection of it…but I do try and sew as perfectly as I can…whilst choosing contrasting fabrics and cotton that highlight any imperfections that exist.

Hmmm.

It’s imperfections in my personality that I find the hardest to manage.

I appreciate how my hand sewn imperfections can be endearing…but my quirks of personality?

I find those much harder to highlight and embrace.

Could I, possibly, highlight and embrace all the things that make me imperfect?

It sounds good in theory, but the reality…

I wonder.

Love

Luke

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Day 1,301

Show your support for Dear Self by becoming a monthly supporter of my work or by buying some stamp money. Your support means I can keep doing the things I do to make the world a better place.