Disappointment

Looking at now.

Looking at now. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Looking at now. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Dear Self,

When things don't work out the way I had imagined it is easy to know what I should have done but not so easy to imagine what I should do next.

I think it is profoundly unhelpful to churn over all the pieces for the sake of churning over all the pieces…but what to do with all that stuff?

Is looking forward even helpful?

Maybe it’s about looking at now?

Maybe that’s all I can do with all that I have done?

Love

Luke

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Day 1,282

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Sometimes it hurts.

Sometimes it hurts. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Sometimes it hurts. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Dear Self,

Sometimes I wonder if I am up for managing the breadth and intensity of the ideas I have for changing the world.

I feel a bit like a ghostbuster who is trying to control one of those big streams of light without crossing the stream with anyone else.

I see what needs to be changed, I have a sense of what that might look like, I imagine a way that could happen, I throw it out into the world…and I try and manage the chaos of that as best I can, doing as little damage to myself and those around me.

But I don’t always succeed.

Sometimes it hurts.

Which makes me feel like pulling back and hiding.

And I don’t know what to do with all that.

Love

Luke  

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Day 1,274

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Democracy.

Democracy. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Democracy. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Dear Self,

I really care about democracy.

It has snuck up on me how much it matters to me.

I want to understand how it works. And I’d like to live in a country where people are proud of their politicians and political system.

I’m most worried about how the way we consumer information impacts upon how we all feel about politics and politicians.

There is something heartbreaking to me about how effective spin and polarisation are in terms of winning the popular opinion.

I’m concerned that, because of how we interact with information now, fear is becoming easier to use to rally people to act against their own interests.

How can we have a healthy democracy at this particular moment of history?

I really care about democracy…because, when it is done properly, it gives almost everyone living in a society a voice.

And that’s fair, that’s how it should be.

Democracy really matters.

At any election it is most important that democracy wins.

Love

Luke

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Day 1,259

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Distraction.

Distraction. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Distraction. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Dear Self,

Distraction.

A useful technique for when things are too heavy to think about.

Not a long term strategy.

But for a moment, ok…I think.

Love

Luke

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Day 1,258

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Heartbreak

Heartbreak, Drawing Luke Hockley.

Heartbreak, Drawing Luke Hockley.

Dear Self, 

Nothing soothes heartbreak.  

Only time.  

Letting it move along.  

So it isn’t so fresh.  

But when it’s alive... 

Nothing soothes heartbreak.  

Love

Luke  

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Day 1,256

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The Rebel and the CEO.

The Rebel and the CEO. Drawing Luke Hockley

The Rebel and the CEO. Drawing Luke Hockley

Dear Self,

I am both a Rebel and a CEO.

I’ve got these two contradictory characteristics that can take me by surprise and, if not well managed, can derail me and the thing I’m working on.

The Rebel in me does not like being told what to do, or rather doesn't really like following someone else’s vision for how things might be done. I dig my heels in and find ways to resist the simplest request or most obvious instruction.

When I hit the CEO mode hard…well I become like an immovable object. I want this thing done and I want it done now. I might be prepared to negotiate how it’s done…but only for a very short amount of time, then I just want it done my way.

At my best these two-character flaws don't really get much air time. Up until now I haven’t had a name for them, but I’ve known them, or have been getting to know them. I’ve learnt how to set things up so that I feel heard and safe, I’ve learnt to make really clear choices about whether I am in a leader of a follower role and that seems to help keep me on the straight and narrow.

But when I’m tired, or hurt, or sad, or out of sorts for whatever reason…that's when things can get messy.

There are two extra, interesting things I have just realised.

My Rebel and my CEO are actually the same qualities in me acting out in different situations. My CEO is me when I am in charge, stressed and trying to get things done the way “I know” they need to be done, my Rebel is exactly the same thing…only I’m not in charge – I’m in a position of supporting someone else or there is grey around who exactly is in charge.

Also, I have realised that the Rebel and the CEO are reflections of excellent qualities that I have…at the wrong volume for the situation that I am in. They are both examples of my ability to see problems for what they are and imagine solutions that will cut through and get a result.

I really like that I’m able to do that. I really, really like it. Sometimes I’m doing it at the expense of myself and the people around me.

I like that a lot less.

A lot less.

I’m learning how to lead with kindness and how to trust the leader I’ve chosen to follow so that I can respond in a more balanced way.

The Rebel and the CEO are both outstanding characters…I just need to get better and calling on them at the right time and place.

That's all.

Love

Luke

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Day 1,247

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When the power goes out.

When the power goes out. Drawing Luke Hockley.

When the power goes out. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Dear Self,

What do I do when the power goes out? 

It’s most disconcerting.  

I feel disoriented  

I’m watching the charge on my phone like a hawk.  

What will happen when it is gone?  

Even with candles on night time feels more like night time.

And tiredness settles in.  

Sooner.

Yawn... 

Love

Luke.  

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Day 1,235

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Irrational and unreasonable.

Irrational and unreasonable. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Irrational and unreasonable. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Dear Self,

My response to the things that happen around me can sometimes be irrational and unreasonable.

But sometimes I am, quite reasonably, disappointed with things that happen.

But which of these two responses am I having?

How would I know the difference?

I can’t work it out.

Love

Luke

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Day 1,222

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