More than useful.

More than useful. Drawing Luke Hockley.

More than useful. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Dear Self,

I like the idea of my friends wanting to spend time with me because they like my company rather than the idea that they enjoy my listening and problem-solving skills. My worry is that people find me very useful to be around and that I trade this ‘usefulness’ for their friendship.

Weird right?

I don’t know if this is really a thing or if it is a thing that I have made up.

I think that there is some kind of thing going on here. Which is about what I think I need to do to keep my friends and about how well I ask for the things I need from my friends.

I default to this ‘support’ role in many situations in my life. So, it’s pretty likely that that is what I am doing with my friends.

I’d like to spend time with my friends without being in that mode. Being in that mode is so comfortable, so familiar, I can’t even imagine what it would feel like to not be in that mode.

Am I talking about having fun together? Perhaps I want to ask my friends to get together with me more often just to have fun.

I think it is pretty well established by now that I am still in the process of working out how this whole friendship things works.

Sounds like I want to have time with my friends where I am being more than useful…time when I am being playful.

Sounds like it.

Love

Luke

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Day 1,200

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