Yesterday I was sitting on the train on the way back to my parent’s house in the country and I didn’t know what to do.
I was feeling completely out of kilter.
After trying this and that I realised the thing I needed to do was make something with my hands.
Sewing, knitting…it didn’t matter, I just wanted to focus on the process of constructing something.
So, I unzipped my back pack looking for my new sewing bag.
It is perfect, this sewing bag.
My friend Ria hand made it for a start, which means it has some of that magic in it.
But what she made!
Somehow the bag is designed so that the thing you are making sits in it in such a way that means, no matter how you move the bag around, when you open it your precious project is still sitting their neatly folded, ready to be picked up.
I reached my hand into my back pack to pull it out and…it wasn’t there.
I don’t know where it is.
I’ve retraced my steps and think there are two possibilities.
It is either sitting on the floor of my studio under my desk or somewhere in the public transport system of Victoria.
I called lost property and have to wait 48 hours to hear if they find it.
I’m heading home now and will call in to the studio to see if it is sitting safely on the floor.
Inside that beautiful bag is an almost finished sock, a half-made shirt and a little sewing kit that my Mum made for me.
Last night I noticed how distressed I was about having to face the possibility of letting go of these precious things. I was anxious about it. I didn’t want it to be true. I wanted to have it in my hands. Now.
No amount of wishing or anxiety is going to change the location of the bag. It’s either safely somewhere and will be returned to me or it is lost.
I realised last night that feeling anxious about it was not helping and was not good for me.
I realised I could let go of something precious.
I didn’t want to. I didn’t like it.
Letting go wouldn’t change the outcome, but it would change my experience.
So, I let go.
I let go of something precious.
Now I’m waiting to see what happens next.
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