I should just be myself, but bigger?

I should just be myself, but bigger? Drawing Luke Hockley.

I should just be myself, but bigger? Drawing Luke Hockley.

Dear Self,

I recently did this outrageous thing.

I created a page on my website where people can join up to support me by paying me a regular amount of money each month.

In exchange I would keep creating the things I create…the only thing I really promise to do is to tell the people who join up about what’s happening before everyone else.

I didn’t do much with it, I didn’t really promote it, just left it there…and people joined.

Yesterday I sat down with one of them and asked them why? Why did the join? I wanted to know what they expected from me? I wanted to make sure they felt they were getting enough from me in exchange.

This generous, kind person’s answers were continually suprising to me.

They didn’t expect anything…the very word ‘expectation’ didn’t resonate, they had some hopes…they hoped I would keep the Campfire burning, hoped I would continue with my ‘unexpected and rare kindness’, they liked the idea of finding out about my creative projects and having the opportunity to be involved…actually to help me out…if possible. In short, they didn’t really want anything more than anyone who hadn’t joined.

All they wanted was for me to be who I am, keep doing what I am doing. If anything, they just wanted me to feel that I could...

‘…trust your silver boots. Whatever energises and transports you will transform us.’

When I asked them why they became a supporter they said…

“I think what you do is awesome. It’s bought lots of confidence and joy into my life and I can support you. I’m supporting you because you asked.

I feel safe enough to give.

This is one of the most beautiful and inspiring things to give to. You give so much it's a gift for us to be able to give to you.”

Oh my.

I’m used to spending my time writing to you reflecting on all the chinks in my armour. I can feel myself wanting to recoil away from all this glowing feedback.

But I am aware there is another option.

I could accept that some people believe that me doing the things I do in the world is valuable. Valuable to them and to their community.

Valuable enough to support.

Instead of questioning all this I’m going to spend a moment enjoying the feeling of being supported.

I feel like what they were saying is that I should just be myself, but bigger.

My mate Matt said something similar, he said “I think the people who support you just want to see Luke Hockley unleashed”.

That gives me goose bumps.



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Day 889