A traffic jam of gratitude and stuff.

Dear Self,

I find ‘stuff’ overwhelming. 

When it comes to throwing things away I tend to get myself into a traffic jam. I want to go back to zero and throw everything away and I want to keep things that remind me of the stories and people that helped me get to here.

Honestly I don’t know what to think about it all.

Why do I want to keep this history? Is it my pursuit of immortality, my ego’s desire to be remembered, is it because I want to have made a positive impact on the world and I secretly hope one day someone will care about all this stuff?

Why do I want to throw it away? Why not just keep it all? It feels too much like looking over my shoulder. It feels like constipation. Amongst the significant moments is so much noise, it takes up space that I could use for my life now. 

Perhaps it is a trade off between acknowledging what has been and creating the space for what is to come? 

When I go through the stuff what happens that makes me want to keep it?

I pick up something and I remember where I was when this thing came into my life. I see the story of how that moment led me to this moment. I remember things that connect me to people or to life lessons that I find valuable. I have an appreciation for how I got here. I feel gratitude. 

Perhaps if I can capture my gratitude for all those experiences then I can let everything else go?

I am grateful that these people and experiences stand beneath me. I acknowledge that they made me who I am today. I let them go so that today’s people and experiences can have the space they need to grow.

I am the lived experience of all that stuff.