I want to be able to make everything ok for everyone I care about all the time.
I have a feeling that this might be too much pressure.
It may even, possibly, be unrealistic.
I’m pretty good at helping.
If I was to be completely honest about it I would have to say that it’s a way that I seek affirmation that my friends and family like me.
That means that when I don’t quite nail it I feel that I have failed the people I love. And that maybe I won’t be loved back by them.
It feels risky to let the people I really care about see me ‘let them down’ by not making everything perfectly ok in every situation that I am in ever.
It means I have to trust that they are going to love me anyhow.
Secret is…they love me anyhow.
I know because they comfort me, they hold me, they tell me I’m ok even when I believe I have let the team down. They help me see I didn't let the team down, they remind me that getting it wrong is part of doing a good job, that I am learning and as long as I am kind hearted in all the things I try then mistakes are kind hearted mistakes and we can all bounce back from that.
And even if my heart is a bit nasty sometimes they help me see that for what it is. They help me get my head around the fear that's driving the nasty and they help me be kind hearted towards myself so that I can bounce back from that too.
My ability to care for the people around me is part of what makes me able to do some of the special things I can do. I just need some help every now and then to focus this Superpower so it doesn’t become Kryptonite.
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Know someone who would appreciate this letter?
I'd love you to share it with them.
Also, I’m performing a reading of selected Dear Self letters in the Melbourne Fringe Festival. Dear Self – Friendship. September 16th/23rd/30th (click the link, click the link...)