It’s messy in here.

It's messy in here. Drawing Luke Hockley.

It's messy in here. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Dear Self,

There is nothing beautiful or profound to say to you today.

I am a bit messy.

I am many thoughts about many things.

I want to change my life in certain ways, but I don’t want to break the good that is there.

I want to deepen my friendships, but I don’t want to risk losing them.

I want to give what I have back to the world, but I don’t want to burn out in the process.

I want to love and be loved, but I don’t want to need others approval all the time.

It’s messy.

Some days it’s messy.

That’s just how it is.

I had that strange ‘I’m going to die’ realization again last night. I’ve had it before. Suddenly it just becomes incredibly clear to me that I am here now, able to think and move and be in the world and at some point, I won’t be here anymore and that all of that will stop and I imagine there will be nothing.

It is such a strange feeling.

Apparently, my Nanna June used to say, “Cheer up, you’ll soon be dead” as a way of helping to ‘coach’ people out of slump. Ha!

Whilst this is very confronting if I really think about it, I also think it is quite profound.

I think things feel messy because I really want to just be able to be of service to the greater good whilst I am here, but I also want to enjoy the time I have here and not feel stressed and worried about everything that I am trying to do.

Finding that balance is very tricky for me.


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Also, I’m performing a reading of selected Dear Self letters in the Melbourne Fringe Festival. Dear Self – Friendship. September 16th/23rd/30th (click the link, click the link...)

What is Dear Self all about?