An iceberg of self-doubt.

An iceberg of self-doubt. Drawing Luke Hockley.

An iceberg of self-doubt. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Dear Self,

I am a confident person.

There is no pretending otherwise.

I can generally tackle things with a vague belief that I will do them well. Perhaps this is partly because I have learnt to tackle things that reflect my gifts…maybe it is a sense of privilege, entitlement even (as a white middle class man) to have the things I do work out? I don’t know, but I can’t pretend I’m not ‘confident’ in how I approach the world.

I think all that…and yet, when I watch my behaviour closely, I sense the iceberg of self-doubt that I have pinned this flag of confidence on top of.

I may appear confident to the people around me but I have probably spent a few hours/days/weeks working myself into a lather over ‘it’.

It’s not there with everything I do. But it is there, and there often enough for me to notice.

What do I doubt?

Oh, just whether I’m good enough, qualified enough, talented enough, liked enough, interesting enough, kind enough, generous enough, special enough…you know, that sort of thing.

I suppose, in the end, I’m avoiding failure.

It is very possible that I will be in situations where I am not enough of all these things. The self-doubt is really a fear that I will be found out as a fraud.

I always feel better when I declare my true position. When I stop pretending I am something that I am not.

If in doubt tell the truth.

Love

Luke

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