All the bits of paper.

 All the bits of paper. Drawing Luke Hockley.

All the bits of paper. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Dear Self,

All the bits of paper are annoying me.

I want them all cleaned up.

Processed.

Ticked off the list, paid, checked, emailed and filed or binned

Otherwise I feel like I am carrying them.

It mightn’t look like they are heavy…but they all add up.

And are ultimately weighing me down.

It’s not that hard to sort them out.

One piece at a time.

That’s all it is.

Love.

Luke.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

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No, that’s not it.

 No, that’s not it. Drawing Luke Hockley.

No, that’s not it. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Dear Self,

No.

No! No, that’s not it.

That’s not how I imagined it.

Not what I was thinking when I made it.

Damn. Now that feels like it’s broken.

I pictured a lot of different things…but I didn’t picture that!

That’s not its shape…not the shape it is meant to be.

What do I do now?

Is it broken?

Or is it just different.

Am I meant to throw the pieces out?

Or pick them up and make with them?

Did it even break.

Or is this the shape it always was? Is this perfect?

Or almost perfect?

Does it just need a little tweak and its exactly right?

This is not how I imagined it at all.

Not at all.

Luke.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Day 1,020

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The potential of a ball of wool.

 The potential of a ball of wool. Drawing Luke Hockley.

The potential of a ball of wool. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Dear Self,

I’m not sure if this is a common experience for people who create things with their hands…I have a visceral sense of potential when I look at a ball of wool or a piece of fabric.

I fall in love with it.

I imagine what it will feel like to make something magic with it.

It is such a temptation to just move onto the next project without finishing the one I’m currently working on!

It makes me happy to know something is waiting for me to make next.

And I do love finishing a project.

It’s the satisfaction of sticking with something through the less exciting bits. The everyday problems solving or daily work that must be done that really makes it special.

And then it’s done.

And I’m ready for the next.

Love

Luke

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Day 1,019

This moment is for here.

 This moment is for here. Drawing Luke Hockley.

This moment is for here. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Dear Self,

I am everywhere but here.

Racing. Dashing around my thoughts.

Solving problems.

Changing the world.

But that’s not what this moment is for.

This moment is for here.

It is for now.

It is for meeting myself as I am today.

Arriving.

Arrived.

Love

Luke.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Day 1,018

Stamp Money.
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The imperfection conundrum.

 The imperfection conundrum. Drawing Luke Hockley.

The imperfection conundrum. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Dear Self,

I am knitting another pair of socks.

Hopefully this time they will fit me. It has taken a long time to really get them moving. I’ve been experimenting with different patterns and needle sizes to get a pair of socks that fits me.

I’ve knitted about 5 tension squares, had 4 (yes 4) false starts…and now I am finally half way through my first sock…and I’ve made a mistake.

It’s only the tiniest mistake.

I skipped decreasing two stitches in one row…about 6 rows back.

Which means to fix the mistake I would need to undo about an hour or so of knitting. You can hardly even see it, truly no one would ever, on a sock, notice. I was able to just add another row and do the extra decrease and we are all good to keep ploughing on.

Thing is, I can’t work out if this imperfection is a symbol of the joy of a handmade sock or if my desire to plough on is a symbol of my impatience and desire to finish.

I can’t decide if not going backwards, not wanting to undo the 6 rows because it will take too long, means I am missing the point of my own project. When I sew it is very clear to me that I have no time frame. Making each stitch is the whole project. If I don’t like how something looks I undo it. I do love the imperfection of the hand stitching…but it is clear to me when it needs to be undone and redone.

With knitting I have not quite achieved this clarity and acceptance. Truth is I am knitting with impatience. I am tightening myself as I knit in order to get it done sooner. And it hurts. After an hour or so of knitting my wrist is starting to get sore. This doesn’t happen so much when I sew now.

There is my answer. I’d like to undo the rows stitch by stitch without any goal of finishing the sock faster. Not because I want the sock to be perfect but because I want to cultivate knitting as a practice that makes me feel good not one that I tighten myself and hurt my wrist when I do it.

It’s the process that I am practicing, not the product.

Obvious.

Love

Luke

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Day 1,017

None of it is real.

 None of it is real. Drawing Luke Hockley.

None of it is real. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Dear Self,

Find your feet.

Take one step and then the next.

Breathe.

In and then out.

It’s all magic.

None of it is real.

Let it wash over you.

Enjoy.

Love

Luke

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Day 1,016

Beautiful men, incredible women.

 Beautiful men, incredible women. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Beautiful men, incredible women. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Dear Self,

My good friend Chris is about to become a Dad.

It seems to be a trend at the moment.

The beautiful men I know are in relationships with incredible women and together they are making and raising children.

Chris and I were talking last night, and they are up to that bit where they just have to wait for the baby to come out. They have done everything they can do to get ready, now, they wait.

When I think of Chris being a Dad it makes me smile and feel hopeful.

The three of them are going to have all that uncertainty, all that not knowing what to do or how it all works, but they are going to have each other.

And having each other to laugh with, to cry with, to hold and nurture and make plans with…having each other to discover the world together with, well that’s it, that’s the ball game.

Love

Luke

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Day 1,015

Optimism.

 Optimism. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Optimism. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Dear Self,

I’m looking forward to today.

There is so much to sink my teeth into.

I really feel like I can get some things done this week.

And the sun is out.

Which just makes everything feel like it will work out.

I like how optimism feels on me.

Love

Luke

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Day 1,014

The joy of listening.

 The joy of listening. Drawing Luke Hockley.

The joy of listening. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Dear Self,

Before I performed this show (Listening by Hand) I wondered if listening for 4 hours was going to be exhausting.

I don’t know where I got this impression from. It sounds like it might be exhausting.

It wasn’t.

Not at all.

It was a relief.

The structure for my listening performance is very clear and simple. Which makes it possible for me to settle into this role. What this structure does is create a set of circumstances that mean the person I’m listening to can take care of themselves. I’d love to say that I knew this was how it was going to work, that that is why I created this particular structure, but it was a bit of an evolution, tweaking and shifting the thing as I learnt about it.

However it happened it turns out that this structure creates a sense of calmness and safety for me as the listener. I come out of the experience having listened to someone make sense of their own world. I come out having had the opportunity to experience the world from a perspective that I could never live, I come out changed by the things I have heard. After the experience I feel like I can breathe.

It seems like the person speaking has a special experience as well…but you would have to ask them about that.

I’m so pleased that this work is a joy to perform.

So pleased to experience the joy of listening.

Love

Luke

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Day 1,013

Excited and full of anticipation.

 Excited and full of anticipation. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Excited and full of anticipation. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Dear Self,

These days are the hardest days to write to you.

Days when something very big and exciting is happening and I just want to get up and get on with it all.

Today my show Listening by Hand opens in the Melbourne Fringe Festival and I have a million things to do.

Which makes sitting here writing myself this letter a bit of a struggle.

My thoughts are racing well beyond this moment.

But this moment is important.

This moment is when I connect in with where I am in all of that excitement and anticipation.

Where am I?

Excited and full of anticipation.

Love

Luke

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Day 1,012