Boredom is like anger.

Dear Self,

The boring bits are the hardest part.

When I am making something it’s easy to do the exciting, interesting, fun bits.

The bits where it feels like something is happening, or at least it feels like I am making progress…or even when there is some great struggle to be had.

The in-between bits, that’s what gets me.

It’s hard to see that any of the effort is worth it when I am bored and nothing much seems to be happening.

I suppose boredom is hard to interpret in a creative process.

Does it mean things aren’t working and that it is time to change something? Or are things about to all click into place and something amazing is about to happen?

I feel like boredom is like anger. It is an emotion that is a front for something else altogether.

But what, I wonder?

Restless, shifting, in transition, searching, uncertain, curious, contemplative.

Yes, I’m wondering what’s next.

I think that’s it.

Love

Luke

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Day 1,232

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Ta da.

Dear Self,

I don’t believe myself.

I’m sitting here trying to work out what I am going to write to myself and I keep making up all these stories to tell…and it’s all crap.

I don’t know what to say tonight.

I don’t have any profound insight or clever comment on insightful observation.

I’m just a very boring person with nothing to say.

Ta da.

Love

Luke

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Day 1,231

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When I am about to go to sleep.

Dear Self,

There are many places I can go when I am about to go to sleep.

I can go to a warm shower, or rolling on the floor, or a good book…

But not the internet.

The internet is not a place to go when I am about to go to sleep.

Duly noted.

Love

Luke

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Day 1,230

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Sewing this, dyeing that.

Sewing this, dyeing that. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Sewing this, dyeing that. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Dear Self,

I am getting great joy from making things.

Sewing this, dyeing that…

It’s the thing I have been longing to do for days and days and days.

Here it is.

Time to enjoy it.

Love

Luke

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Day 1,229

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Moving and sewing.

Moving and sewing. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Moving and sewing. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Dear Self,

I can see myself spending my days moving and sewing.

That’s it.

Moving and sewing.

Love

Luke

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Day 1,228

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I do love an early start.

I do love an early start. Drawing Luke Hockley.

I do love an early start. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Dear Self,

I do love an early start.  

Seriously.  

Not that I particularly like getting out of bed very early in the morning...but I love how it feels like I get an extra day in each day.

Mid morning hits and I’ve already done so much living! And there’s so much more time to get more living done.

It’s a good thing to remember.

Otherwise I can forget to have joy in my early mornings.  

Love  

Luke.  

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Day 1,227

Show your support for Dear Self by becoming a monthly supporter of my work or by buying some stamp money. Your support means I can keep doing the things I do to make the world a better place.

 

Clean the surfaces.

Clean the surfaces. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Clean the surfaces. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Dear Self,

It’s time to clean up the bits and pieces.

Clear the surfaces.

Put away the washing.

Do the dishes.

Sort the bits of paper.

Wipe that slate so that my subconscious can get things sorted.

Love

Luke

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Day 1,226

Show your support for Dear Self by becoming a monthly supporter of my work or by buying some stamp money. Your support means I can keep doing the things I do to make the world a better place.

I can’t believe I’m back here.

I can’t believe I’m back here. Drawing Luke Hockley.

I can’t believe I’m back here. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Dear Self,

I’m concerned that I have started repeating the same letters to you.

I sit down to write and when I think of what I’d like to write I often think…

“Oh, that again…I can’t believe I’m back here.”

It’s one of the more disconcerting things about this daily project.

There’s nowhere for me to hide from myself.

Here I am. Every day. Checking in.

I see patterns in myself much more clearly than I might have.

But also, sometimes I’m still lost in those patterns and can’t see any rhyme or reason to them.

I know they are repeating. I know I am back at some familiar and uncomfortable place…but don’t know exactly how I got here and what might help me get out of here.

I guess I have some more clues. I have a broader sense of what is going on. It has been about 3 years now of daily writing and it just surprises me that I am still repeating the same things with only a little bit of extra insight.

Shouldn’t I have myself all figured out by now?

Ha!

When I see that written down I get how that sounds.

Being a human is a complex, long term project.

That’s it.

That’s just how it is.

Strangely I find some comfort in that.

Love

Luke

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Day 1,225

Show your support for Dear Self by becoming a monthly supporter of my work or by buying some stamp money. Your support means I can keep doing the things I do to make the world a better place.

The anatomy of a shirt.

The anatomy of a shirt. Drawing Luke Hockley.

The anatomy of a shirt. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Dear Self,

I am dissecting one of my favourite shirts.

I would have mended it…but it tore in several places. The fabric has become too thin from frequent washing and wearing…so I decided to sacrifice the shirt, pull it apart and use it to make a pattern for a new shirt.

I’m grateful to this unknown person, in China, whose impressive and underpaid skill created this favourite object of mine.

In the process of gently undoing every stitch that made the shirt I’m getting to know the hands that made it.

I’m finding small decisions about hidden stitches, uncovering the order that the shirt was constructed in…wondering why, why were these things done in this way?

Some of the decisions are obvious, some are not.

In the end the effect is that of a shirt, all the bits sit where they should, and I look at it and think – shirt.

I’m enjoying getting to know this shirt that I have loved, piece by piece.

It reminds me of the process of getting to know myself.

Examining the different ways I am constructed, learning about why something about me is put together the way it is.

These processes are similar, but not the same.

Getting to know myself is a much more confronting process than getting to know the anatomy of a shirt.

More vulnerable.

Confronting.

Worthwhile, though.

I hope.

Love

Luke

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Day 1,224

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Lovely.

Lovely. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Lovely. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Dear Self,

The sun was lovely today.

Through windows.

In the car.

On my skin as I hung out the washing.

Lovely.

Just lovely.

Love

Luke

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Day 1,223

Show your support for Dear Self by becoming a monthly supporter of my work or by buying some stamp money. Your support means I can keep doing the things I do to make the world a better place.