Some what overwhelmed

Dear Self,

I am somewhat overwhelmed at the moment. I’ve left my laptop in the country and it feels like my lifeline is gone. I don’t feel like I can even think straight. Which is weird, because it’s just a lap top, right? 

I suppose a lot is tied up in the lap top. It’s how I think through problems and respond. But it’s not here. And that’s that. 

All I can do is make plans to get it back and get on with it.  

Love

Luke

An adventure.

 An adventure. Drawing Luke Hockley.

An adventure. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Dear Self,

Today I’m off on an adventure.

I’m doing things that don’t fit the usual rhythms and routines.

It is amazing how just that break in routine can create a sense of a holiday.

An adventure.

Love

Luke

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Day 1,075

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Whatever I want.

 Whatever I want. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Whatever I want. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Dear Self,

I can do whatever I want today.

Like every day, I guess.

But today, I can see that choice clearly.

And I really hope I use that freedom wisely.

I hope I do something good for the world with the time I have today.

Love

Luke

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Day 1,074

16/11/18

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My attention

 My attention. Drawing Luke Hockley.

My attention. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Dear Self,

Intangible.

Smoke like wisps.

No solid place to stand.

To stop.

Habitual, sometimes destructive.

Not under my control.

Controlled by no one but me.

To stop

No solid place to stand.

Smoke like wisps.

Intangible.

Love

Luke.

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Day 1,073

My hard edges.

 My hard edges. Drawing Luke Hockley.

My hard edges. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Dear Self,

There are spikey parts of me.

Parts that are less pleasant and are very uncomfortable to look at.

I’ve got a hard and sharp edge that will cut you if you come at me the wrong way.

I saw this yesterday in a telephone conversation I had.

My hard edges were in response to someone not being straight with me about something.

I go all quiet and cold. I give nothing away.

Because I’m trying to get my feet back underneath me. Trying to get my bearings. And while I can’t feel my feet and I don’t know which direction is north I don’t want to move.

Truth is I probably just want to run away and hide for a moment. Think about what is going on, formulate a response, but I don’t feel like this is an option. Running away feels like a failure.

But it’s not running away, or failing, it’s just taking some time to think. And I reckon just calmly stating that and doing it is going to be better for everyone.

In yesterday’s conversation I feel like I did slightly better. Ever so slightly better than I have in the past. I had a sense that something was going on and I (a little too late) just asked for some more time to think everything through.

A little progress is better than no progress.

Isn’t it?

Love

Luke

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Day 1,072

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Do this thing completely.

 Do this thing completely. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Do this thing completely. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Dear Self,

I find myself continually trying to be finished the activity I am currently doing.

Trying to be anywhere but right here doing this thing.

It is a particularly unhealthy way to be at a computer for me.

How many times will I come back to this lesson?

Do or don’t do.

This thing now. That’s all that there is.

Do this thing completely.

And then, when it is done, do the next thing.

Love

Luke

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Day 1,071

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A week at home.

 A week at home. Drawing Luke Hockley.

A week at home. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Dear Self,

I could do with a week at home.

Not doing anything in particular.

Tidying up the edges of life.

Sitting in the sun and having cups of tea.

I had this kind of day yesterday.

One day just isn’t enough.

Maybe two days in a row is what I should be aiming for?

Love

Luke

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Day 1,070

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Life administration.

 Life administration. Drawing Luke Hockley

Life administration. Drawing Luke Hockley

Dear Self,

A pile of paper.

Bills and receipts. The shopping. The washing. Cleaning the bathroom. Vacuuming the floor. Cooking.

Did I mention cleaning?

This stuff is critical.

But I can resent it if I am not careful.

When it is done it sets the foundation in place for everything else.

All I have to do is keep my eye on the prize and enjoy each task for what it is.

Easy. Right?

Love

Luke

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Day 1,069

11/11/18

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Luke

This moment.

 This moment. Drawing Luke Hockley.

This moment. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Dear Self,

I’m trying to be everywhere but here.

When I write to you I sit down and check in with where I am up to, so I can talk to you about exactly what is going on, right now.

And what is going on right now is that I am excited about all the different things and am being pulled away from this moment into all those possible moments.

But I am right here.

I can’t be in any of those moments.

I can only be in this moment.

It seems a shame to miss this moment because I am thinking about another moment that might happen.

Love

Luke

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Day 1,068

Stamp Money.
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Buying some stamp money is a way to say thanks. A way to show your love and appreciation for the things I make and share.

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