Riot.

 Riot. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Riot. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Dear Self,

Last night we watched a tele-movie on the ABC called Riot.

It is the story of the first Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras parade held in Sydney.

I couldn’t believe the police brutality, I couldn’t believe how Australian’s condoned prejudice against people they knew, I couldn’t believe the laws that enabled all of this.

I was 2 years old when the first parade happened.

I grew up in this nasty soup. My sense of self was forged with this as a silent, unseen, poisonous background.

In my lifetime so much has changed.

I think I felt the depth of all this when marriage equality became law last year. I realised that I had been living as a second-class person and had completely accepted that…because that’s the way it always was.

We are not there yet.

How men and women view the roles of people with different genders and sexual orientations is the problem.

Watching this film, I felt the power of group action.

I felt emboldened to speak up.

To act out.

To use my voice.

To shake off my passive, comfortable life and say and do things that matter.

Rock the boat.

I’m scared.

But not nearly as frightened as someone who was detained and bashed by the police in 1978 for walking in a legally approved street march.

Forty years later the police march in the Mardi Gras parade. All because men and women were prepared to risk their lives to stand up for what was right.

So, I think I can say and do things that matter.

I think that is the least I can do to say thank you to the people who successfully fought for my right to be me.

The least I can do.

Love

Luke

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Day 954

Stamp Money.
from 1.00

Buying some stamp money is a way to say thanks. A way to show your love and appreciation for the things I make and share.

How much?:
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An outrageous amount of fun.

 An outrageous amount of fun. Drawing Luke Hockley.

An outrageous amount of fun. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Dear Self,

Last night I hung out with some friends and we made a mash up of three ridiculous 80’s power songs.

We had it all.

A loop machine, piano, harmonies and even a flute.

It is ridiculous how much I enjoy making things.

It was an outrageous amount of fun.

Exactly like being a kid.

Why do adults stop doing this stuff?

It makes no sense.

Please tell me if I ever start growing up.

I’d like to put a stop to that as quickly as possible.

Love

Luke

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Day 953

Stamp Money.
from 1.00

Buying some stamp money is a way to say thanks. A way to show your love and appreciation for the things I make and share.

How much?:
Quantity:
Stamp Money
 

Where do I look?

 Where do I look? Drawing Luke Hockley.

Where do I look? Drawing Luke Hockley.

Dear Self,

The world is awash with conversations about people and things that I cannot control.

Outrage, chest thumbing, desk whacking, foot stamping.

I’m tempted to join in.

It all makes me so angry.

It is galling. Unjust. Offensive. Dangerous.

It is wrong.

But it is also well outside of my control. Well outside my country even. Outside the politics I can influence.

Joining the chorus just fuels the global circus.

There is plenty to look at in my own back yard. Plenty of things to be outraged about. Plenty of behaviours that need to change in my own politicians. Plenty of injustice. Plenty of offensive and reckless behaviour.

And I get a vote here.

I get to call my local member and have some influence.

Me and my friends have a voice here.

So, where am I going to look?

Love

Luke.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Day 952

Stamp Money.
from 1.00

Buying some stamp money is a way to say thanks. A way to show your love and appreciation for the things I make and share.

How much?:
Quantity:
Stamp Money
 

I had better make a list.

 I had better make a list. Drawing Luke Hockley.

I had better make a list. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Dear Self,

It is shocking, truly shocking how much more effective I am once I have made a list of all the things I would like to get done.

Given the way I feel right now, how out of control things feel, how overwhelmed I am by possibility, how lacking in focus I feel…

I think I had better make a list.

Love

Luke

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Day 951

Stamp Money.
from 1.00

Buying some stamp money is a way to say thanks. A way to show your love and appreciation for the things I make and share.

How much?:
Quantity:
Stamp Money
 

Decision making.

 Decision making. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Decision making. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Dear Self,

I’m trying to cultivate a more decisive approach to making decisions.

I’m good at gathering information, I think that is healthy…but I can get paralysed by options.

How do I change this?

Once I’ve gathered all the information I think I need then I need to know what question I am trying to answer (this can be trickier than it looks) and then trust myself to use the information to answer this question.

The decision making is a weird blend of conscious and subconscious processes. Somethings I need to work out in a spreadsheet and somethings I need to just trust my intuition on.

In the end most big decisions are a leap into the unknown.

I can never really know how things are going to turn out.

At some point I just have to jump.

Love

Luke

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Day 950

Stamp Money.
from 1.00

Buying some stamp money is a way to say thanks. A way to show your love and appreciation for the things I make and share.

How much?:
Quantity:
Stamp Money
 

Letting go of something precious.

 Letting go of something precious. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Letting go of something precious. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Dear Self,

Yesterday I was sitting on the train on the way back to my parent’s house in the country and I didn’t know what to do.

I was feeling completely out of kilter.

After trying this and that I realised the thing I needed to do was make something with my hands.

Sewing, knitting…it didn’t matter, I just wanted to focus on the process of constructing something.

So, I unzipped my back pack looking for my new sewing bag.

It is perfect, this sewing bag.

My friend Ria hand made it for a start, which means it has some of that magic in it.

But what she made!

Somehow the bag is designed so that the thing you are making sits in it in such a way that means, no matter how you move the bag around, when you open it your precious project is still sitting their neatly folded, ready to be picked up. 

I reached my hand into my back pack to pull it out and…it wasn’t there.

I don’t know where it is.

I’ve retraced my steps and think there are two possibilities.

It is either sitting on the floor of my studio under my desk or somewhere in the public transport system of Victoria.

I called lost property and have to wait 48 hours to hear if they find it.

I’m heading home now and will call in to the studio to see if it is sitting safely on the floor.

Inside that beautiful bag is an almost finished sock, a half-made shirt and a little sewing kit that my Mum made for me.

Last night I noticed how distressed I was about having to face the possibility of letting go of these precious things. I was anxious about it. I didn’t want it to be true. I wanted to have it in my hands. Now.

No amount of wishing or anxiety is going to change the location of the bag. It’s either safely somewhere and will be returned to me or it is lost.

I realised last night that feeling anxious about it was not helping and was not good for me.

I realised I could let go of something precious.

I didn’t want to. I didn’t like it.

Letting go wouldn’t change the outcome, but it would change my experience.

So, I let go.

I let go of something precious.

Now I’m waiting to see what happens next.

Love

Luke

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Day 949

Shades of grey.

 Shades of grey. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Shades of grey. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Dear Self,

I want to make choices that reflect who I am, my values, my goals, I really want to make these choices.

But sometimes it is really hard.

Really, really hard.

Because it isn’t clear what those choices are.

In theory it seems simple. But it’s not. It’s really not.

I like to think in shades of black and white, but my life is lived in shades of grey.

I think I just have to accept that.

I don't like it, but it is how it is.

Love

Luke

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Day 948

Stamp Money.
from 1.00

Buying some stamp money is a way to say thanks. A way to show your love and appreciation for the things I make and share.

How much?:
Quantity:
Stamp Money
 

Should I?

 Should I? Drawing Luke Hockley

Should I? Drawing Luke Hockley

 

Dear Self,

I don’t know what to write about.

Should I write about my incredible, heartbreaking, unjust, undeserved privilege and opportunity?

Should I write about the things I wish I was doing but am not quite doing and how I know that I could do them but can’t quite work out how to do them?

Should I write about how I feel lucky and worried and joyful and distressed all at once?

Should I write about my yearning for a simpler more generous life? My desire to accept less, live on more, appreciate better the things I have, give more, much, much more?

Should I write about how my legs feel cold and I don’t like that very much because I’m just recovering from being sick and it is a time to keep warm not get cold?

I don’t know what to write about.

Love

Luke

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Day 947

The moments that define me.

 The moments that define me. Drawing Luke Hockley.

The moments that define me. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Dear Self,

I’m not at my best today.

Quite a distance from my best probably.

And so, my levels of tolerance and kindness and, to be frank, my filters are not what they normally are.

It is one of those days where I could really give myself a hall pass to be a little bit of my worst self.

Ok.

No worries.

I’m not always going to make it to the peak of my best self.

But I do believe that these moments are the ones that define me.

And that being kinder to myself and everyone around me is actually better for me than the alternative.

Now that I can see I’m at the crossroads what do I want to do about it?

I wonder.

Love

Luke

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Day 946

Stamp Money.
from 1.00

Buying some stamp money is a way to say thanks. A way to show your love and appreciation for the things I make and share.

How much?:
Quantity:
Stamp Money
 

Some days I can’t do the big things.

 Some days I can't do the big things. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Some days I can't do the big things. Drawing Luke Hockley.

Dear Self,

Nothing special.

Another day on the couch, recovering.

And doing nothing special.

Kindness.

Gently being with myself and the people I love.

That’s enough today.

Enough.

Some days I can’t do the big things.

So that has to be enough.

Love

Luke

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Day 945