It’s complex being a human.

Dear Self,

It’s complex.

Being a human.

Managing the wildly contradictory but simultaneously accurate states of being the centre of my own world and of being a small insignificant atom in the broader universe.

I am contradictions.

Lots of them.

Often times I don’t know what to do with that.

Being a human.

It’s complex.

Love

Luke

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Day 1,317

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Holding onto the thread of myself.

Dear Self,

It is hardest to keep up this daily writing habit during the holidays.

All the edges fray.

I stop shaving.

I get to bed late.

I don’t wake at 6 am.

I don’t get out of bed and sit down and write.

The day becomes a deconstructed series of events that have fewer edges than normal…and I forget.

Why not just stop writing for the holidays?

I’ve thought about that.

I keep writing because it means through periods of rest and regeneration I keep a hold of the thread of myself.

Which I find valuable.

And comforting.

Love

Luke

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Day 1,316

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Uh-oh.

Dear Self,

It’s 12:35pm and I haven’t written and published a Dear Self yet.

Uh-oh.

I considered pretending that I’d made the deadline.

I thought about changing the time stamp on the blog post.

So that I didn’t post this late.

But then I thought, who am I lying to? Myself?

Pointless, really.

I wonder what happens now?

Love

Luke

ps: I changed the date and time code on the blog post, because I could.

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Day 1,315

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Stealing something we can’t replace.

Dear Self,

I’ve been mending a pair of knitted gloves.

They had really become a couple of large holes with some thread holding them together…well not quite, but close.

It’s been an adventure that I have really enjoyed.

I told them that it was going to be messy, so I had permission for a bit of trial and error.

They are a earthy red colour and I have mended them with a golden mustard wool. This makes the mend incredibly obvious, which has had an unexpected consequence.

As I have mended them, I have also brought to life all of the stress points in the gloves. The areas that get the most wear and tear were obviously the ones that had the biggest holes and now have the largest mends.

I feel like I have had a chance to get to know these gloves and the person who wears them. I’ve come to understand something about them. I’ve been holding the space where their hands rest and now I know them a little better.

And the fact that this object, that was deeply loved but not far off the rubbish bin, now has another life, perhaps even years more of life, is a kind of satisfying that I can’t really explain.

I feel like humans are meant to give our clothing a decent life. That when we don’t, we are stealing something from ourselves that we can’t replace.

It’s really quite moving to use my humble mending skills in this way.

Love

Luke

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Day 1,314

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Running in the rain

Dear Self,

Today a friend of mine and I ran in the rain

It was joyful and outrageous and cold and uncomfortable and very satisfying.

Love

Luke

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Day 1,313

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Letting go.

Dear Self,

At the moment I am working on letting go of the need to be liked by everyone.

This is not an easy thing for me to do.

But important. Valuable.

I’d like to stop spending time with my wheels spinning thinking about what other people think about me.

Love

Luke

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Day 1,312

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One more thing...

Dear Self,

There’s always one more thing.

One more email, one more phone call, one more bill, one more piece of paper to move, one more thing to write.

I’m trying to get away on holiday.

At some point I’ve just got to call it right?

And just let it all go and leave.

Right.

Love

Luke

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Day 1,311

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Mean and funny v’s good and generous.

Dear Self,

I have a reasonably quick wit.

When I was younger it would get me into a bit of trouble at times.

Because, for whatever reason, the ‘immediately funny’ view of a situation can often be the mean view of the situation.

So, I’ve learnt to forgo the laugh in order to remain true to my belief that seeing the good, the possible…the generous view of a situation is the kinder, more productive and more appropriate approach to just about everything.

Occasionally I fail at this. Mean and funny out competes good and generous.

Damn it.

I’m sorry about that. I really am.

Love

Luke

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Day 1,310

Show your support for Dear Self by becoming a monthly supporter of my work or by buying some stamp money. Your support means I can keep doing the things I do to make the world a better place.

Doing the thing.

Dear Self,

Just doing what needs to be done.

No more.

Just lifting the weight that is in front of me.

Not telling myself how heavy it is.

Not worrying I can’t make it.

Not talking myself out of being able to do it.

Just looking at the thing and doing the thing that needs to be done.

Love

Luke

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Day 1,309

Show your support for Dear Self by becoming a monthly supporter of my work or by buying some stamp money. Your support means I can keep doing the things I do to make the world a better place.

Enjoying all the things.

Dear Self,

I have a lot to do and only a limited number of days to do it in.

And, I’d like to enjoy all those things.

Ok, that’s good to note. All these things are things I have chosen to do. They all make the world a better place, so – well worth the effort.

Then, once they are all done, I’m going on a holiday!

So, do lots of great things you love and then go on a holiday and have fun.

No problems.

Love

Luke

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Day 1,308

Show your support for Dear Self by becoming a monthly supporter of my work or by buying some stamp money. Your support means I can keep doing the things I do to make the world a better place.